What Are You Thinking About?
by Girl59
Summary: What does Lavi think about in that little head of his?


Disclaimer: I don't own much. And these characters don't happen to be something I do own.

I can't deny it anymore. I have fallen, hard, into something as cliche as 'love'. It would have been easier if it hadn't been with the most unloving and unlovable person in the whole Order. Kanda had caught my attention the moment I saw him so many years before. I knew I wanted to be closer to him than just another exorcist, I weaseled my way in. I shouldn't even be in love because of my future as a Bookman but I just couldn't help what my heart wanted.

"Mmmmmm Usagi, what are you thinking about?" Kanda's question is muffled when he burrows his face against my hip. He doesn't usually like to sleep in late but when I'm with him he prefers to hide out as long as he can.

"I'm just thinking about how sexy your ass is right now Yuu," I smile at his reaction. He glares at me through narrowed eyes and pinches my hip.

"Ow, why are you so mean Yuu-chan!" I whine in mock hurt.

"Don't say stupid things," he finally arises from the cozy bed and fetches some clean clothes from his dresser. "I'm taking a shower."

I sigh as he walks to the bathroom adjacent to his room and I hear him turn the water on. He was quite an irritable man, no one else could really stand him besides Lenalee. But she has the heart of a saint. He was cold to me too but I didn't let it get to me. I'm one of the few who know that he does what he does to keep people away because he doesn't want attachments. But I made him let me in. I love Kanda with all my soul. He wouldn't admit it but I know he loves me too.

"What are you thinking about now?" I look up at a near naked and wet Kanda.

"I'm thinking about how badly I want to ravage your sexy body," I give him a small wink. He says nothing but walks over to the side of the bed that I'm sitting up on. He grabs the

front of my shirt and pulls my face to look at him while bringing his own face closer.

"Why do you have to be so damn fuckable?" I give him a shocked expression before he captures my lips into a kiss. He takes over and pushes me back onto the bed while he straddles my hips, still leading a hungry kiss. The towel hanging around his waist is snagged and falls, leaving his hips bare.

"Yuu how are you already horny?" I give a chuckle as I pull out of the kiss for air.

"I'm always horny when I'm around you," Kanda leans over and I feel his teeth graze my neck softly.

"Yuu even though I want to give in to your terrible advances we don't have time. Komui is expecting you in his office in 30 minutes. And you know how Bookman is when it's for studying and rep…" Kanda places a hand over my mouth, abruptly stopping the words coming from my lips.

"You really need to learn when to stop talking Baka Usagi. I don't even want to look at your body anymore."

"Yuu-chan! That's so mean!" I whine in a very sing song voice. Kanda only scoffs as he stands back up hooking the fallen towel with his hand and covering himself again. I sigh, sitting up on my elbows, giving a small smile at Kanda as he begins pulling his clothes onto his body. I always become upset when I know we will have to part ways. It's only usually a couple weeks but it still hurts, being away from Kanda for so long.

"Hey. What are you thinking about?" Kanda surprises me when I notice hes buttoning up his jacket while watching me closely.

"Oh just about how much I love laying next to that damn body of yours," I almost think I see Kanda blush before he moves to the door.

"I'll see you later Lavi," he opens the door and rushes out quickly. I look down and wish that he hadn't had to go. But oh the life of exorcists. Maybe one day I can tell him what it is I haven't been able to tell him.

ONE WEEK LATER

"Komui what do you mean? Kanda can't be hurt, or I mean not for long. What's happening?" I'm demanding from Lenalee's brother as he's rushing around shuffling papers and sending various people to do tasks.

"What I mean is, for some reason that we don't know Kanda isn't healing," I freeze and Komui continues to run circles around me. My mind begins spinning and doing somersaults as I'm confronted with Komui's words. I turn and run to the Infirmary. My legs move as if on their own and I feel frantic. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I stop when I hear movement behind me. Head Nurse and various other nurses are rushing a stretcher to the same place I'm going. I jump to the side and press myself to the wall as they race past, different commands being shouted back and forth. They push into the Infirmary and the doors close behind them, leaving me alone and worried. I fall against the wall opposite the doors and slide down till I'm sitting with my head in my hands.

It seems like whole days are passing me by when I finally hear Head Nurse open the doors. I jump to my feet and look at her with a lost look in my eyes.

"Well he didn't die. You can go and see him but if you even try to bother my patients," she raises her finger at me like a scolding parent but I don't even listen after she says I can see him.

I don't spend much time searching, there's only 3 patients, until I see him. My Yuu. I'm by his side in seconds and my hand finds his quickly. I give a soft squeeze as the first tears breech my eyes.

"Yuu-chan you can't leave me alone here…. I don't think I can live without you in my life," I stop as tears start wandering down my cheeks. I bury my face against his arm. But I jump back up when I feel a squeeze back against my hand. It is small but it is definitely there.

"Yuu-chan if you can hear me I love you. And I need you," I strain to him. Pleading with my heart for him to respond. His eyelids move. A long, lazy blink. His mouth moves like he is swallowing and then there it is. That beautiful voice speaking to me. And those eyes, those eyes that I can never look away from.

"Lavi?" Again he uses my name. Something I thought was an accident the first time.

"Yuu I'm right here," I wrap both my hands around his in reassurance.

"Lavi…. What are you thinking about?" I stare at him, dumbfounded. Now? He 's asking me that at a time like this? It's just. Just so. Comedic.

"Yuu-chan. I'm thinking about you. About us. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. You mean so much to me and I can't ever tell you enough that I love you," I lean forward and kiss his cheek softly.

Yuu smiles, "Please don't leave me…" He trails off as his eyes fall closed again.

"Never…. I'm never leaving Yuu…"


End file.
